Mama CP,

Dear Mama CP,

Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh. I don’t know where to start. Dalton has changed me in so many freaking ways that I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.  There’s no way I can put all those changes into one coherent post, but I’ll try.

Dalton has given me a community. Before Dalton, I didn’t have a tumblr. I didn’t have a place to express myself or really…be myself before. There were always parts of me holding back all that “passion” that makes me so crazy.  The only place I could possibly put all that passion into was my stories and those stayed locked away.  I mean, c’mon. Me, write fanfiction? Me, publish fanfiction? Hahaha—yeah right. I never thought about doing that in a million years.  But then I did do it and people liked it and I was given this family that I didn’t even ask for, that I didn’t know that I needed until it was right here in front of me.

And sure we all make jokes about how I’m crazy, but I really…don’t feel that way here. Outside in the quote on quote real world, I do. I feel freakish and annoying and childish. I feel like I shouldn’t be investing myself so much in all these things I do and all the things I love.  But then I come here and all those doubts and insecurities about myself melt away. I’m free to be crazy— proud to be crazy— and you all embrace me for who I am like no one has before.

Dalton has given me the courage to open up to people and let people in. I’ve made real friends— I even met Adrienne in real life! She was so sweet and wonderful and— lkfdjad;lfkajdf. I would never have any of those relationships if it weren’t for Dalton. I’d never have Jay or Adrienne or Teresa or Gina or Jessica or Ray or any of my other friends whom I adore so, so, so much. 

And Dalton gave me courage to open up other parts of me too.  For practically the first time in my life, I’m sharing the bare bones of who I am— my writing. I had never posted fanfiction or really…anything I had ever wrote. I used to do a little here and there, but internet bullying and an instance with someone stealing my work scared me away, back into my little hole.  But then I dared to write something and  I even published it because Dalton moved me that much, and now I’m writing all the time. Why? Because I’m finally encouraged to. I feel like my own voice is growing stronger and my writing is coming into its own. Sure, I have a long way to go, but at least I’m pursuing it.  I’m not hiding anymore.

I have you to thank for that, Mama CP. You and your fic and your crazy boys and the family that comes with it.  You know, you keep saying that the one who is going to die was very brave until the end. And as I reread Hell Night and prep for it, I think back and realize that that is what Dalton is about, both in the actual story and within the community.

Think about it. All the boys are brave in their own way.  We joke about Blaine and his ‘courage’ but he really did have to have so much courage to face his father— we saw that recently in Hell Night too.  And Kurt, to leave his school and start all over and, hey, he had to be brave when he talked to Karofsky. And Reed had to have the courage to open himself up to take that jump and fall in love. Logan has to have courage every day when he faces down the demon that is his temper. And Julian, so selfless and loving, puts on a brave face to do what’s best for Logan, even when it hurts himself.  And of course there’s Dwight, our fearless little knight. 

I could go on and on.

Dalton teaches this courage. It teaches it to all those people who are finally reaching out to Mama CP or me or Jay or anyone else about their own fears, about their thoughts It’s giving them the courage to ask for help and a place to go to. It encourages people like me, to put some trust in the world and open up again. 

Don’t you see, guys? We are all Brave Ones.

So thanks, Mama CP, for giving us something so magical and expecting nothing back in return.

Love,

Lauryl

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  2. cpcoulter said: DAMNIT, LAURYL, I WAS TRYING NOT TO CRY HERE—
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